Promises: Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Reunions


   Horizon, a peaceful colony world in the Lera System of the Shadow Sea, had been their desired target. The Collectors had sent their swarms down in waves, paralyzing the colonists and preparing them for their abductors. Having found several people frozen where they stood, she had moved past quickly, hoping to find any other signs of the Collectors' presence. In a sense, she had. Encountering a few of them just past the underground generator, she had fought her way to the defense canons that the Alliance had set up; that he had set up...

   With them activated and the Collector ship warded off, she and the team were left with one major obstacle, one that she hadn’t thought she would encounter in the Terminus Systems. The initial contact had been more or less peaceful, though tentative. Standing in the face of his possible departure however, Shepard saw something of a slim opportunity to try and prove to this man, her former squadmate, her former lover, that she was still the woman he remembered. Convincing Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko was proving to be more of a challenge than she had anticipated.

   “I could use someone like you on my crew, Kaidan. It’ll be just like old times,” Shepard offered hopefully. God, her heart was pounding at the uncertainty. There were so many things she wanted to say, needed to say. Kaidan scoffed, turning back to look at her.

   “No, it won’t. I’ll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye, Shepard.” He turned to leave, mouth set in a grim line. This wasn’t the woman he loved. It couldn’t be. Shepard moved after him, putting a hand on his arm.

   “Wait. At least let me explain. I owe you that… Come with me, to the Normandy. I’ll give you access to all of Cerberus’ files. You can judge for yourself if I’m telling the truth or not.”

   Kaidan stopped, turned around, his brown eyes meeting Shepard’s intense green ones. Her touch sent a shiver of longing through him, which the Staff Commander shoved away. This wasn’t the woman he’d fallen in love with, he reminded himself. “You would betray them, like you did the Alliance?”

   His voice held a note of disgust and Shepard flinched inwardly at the accusation. How had it come to this? The man she had loved.. still loved… looking at her as if she were a stranger. Or an impostor. How she longed to throw herself into his arms and bury her head against his chest. To loose herself in him. But now, now his eyes regarded her with a suspicion that made her heart sink. Shepard lifted her gaze to Kaidan's, her face resolute as she pushed aside the memories, the longings, that had stirred, unbidden within her. Two years, she reminded herself, you were dead and gone two years. Now was not the time, if there ever was one. “No, I wouldn’t, because I’m not working for them. It’s a convenient alliance, nothing more. I have zero interest in their organization. It doesn’t matter what they think about me. The Illusive Man can fire me if he doesn’t like it. I want you to know the truth. I want you to understand.” I need you to understand, Shepard thought.

   “You want answers about this, well, there’s your way of getting them, Kaidan. Don’t let your stubbornness destroy you,” Garrus added.

   “Why not, at least for a little while? If you don’t like it, you can leave, simple as that.” Shepard promised, silently grateful for Garrus’ support. Kaidan shook his head.

   “Are you kidding me Shepard?” His voice was angry and disbelieving. Shepard blew a long sigh and shook her head.

   “You know me, Kaidan. When have I ever lied to you? Why would I now?” This wasn’t how she imagined reuniting with him. Damn it.

   Kaidan hesitated, then let out a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping forward. Part of him wanted nothing more to do with her. The shock and hurt of discovering the one person that mattered to him in the galaxy hadn't even had time to contact him had sparked resentment and wounded his heart. It had been devastating when she died… And finding her working with Cerberus nearly broke it anew. But on the other hand, he found himself wanting so very badly to know the truth of Shepard’s sudden reappearance, know find out if what he’d heard was really true. “I can’t turn my back on the Alliance,” Kaidan protested hotly.

   “You wouldn’t be. You want the truth, I can give you the chance to verify it,” Shepard pressed, staring up at him. Why did he have to be so damn stubborn?

   His eyes met hers, and he quickly found himself looking away from those intense green eyes. There were so many emotions roiling around inside of him he couldn’t think straight. Shit. Still, a chance to possibly make light of all this… it was tempting. If anything, at the very least he could discern if Shepard’s motives were as she claimed. He couldn’t believe that he was actually thinking this way about the woman he’d loved.

   “All right, fine. You win, Shepard. I’ll come. But if I find anything, I’ll have to turn it over to the Alliance.” She nodded, relief mixed with both hope and uncertainty flooding through her at his acceptance of her offer. It was a step. A small one, granted, but it was a step. That was more than she’d hoped for. More than she could’ve hoped for.

   “I know. Thank you.”

   They boarded the shuttle silently, and headed back to the Normandy, both wondering what to say to the other. Garrus and Mordin were both engaged in conversation about the Collectors and Mordin's seeker countermeasure, trading tactics and appraisals of the situations they’d encountered during the mission. “Excellent test run. Pleased with results. Glad no one died,” the salarian mused aloud, typing notes hurriedly into his Omni tool and generally looking proud of himself.

   “Yeah… good work, Mordin. That was one hell of a fight though,” the turian mused, and for once, Shepard was glad for Mordin’s incessant chatter. It gave her something to think about other than what she would say to Kaidan when they returned to the Normandy. God, what could she say that she hadn’t already? He’d shot her down each time. The Commander stole a gaze at Kaidan. He was sitting opposite her, obviously doubtful; his gaze darting around to Mordin, to Garrus, anywhere but to her, his mouth set in a thin line. As if sensing her inner turmoil, Garrus looked over at Shepard and gave a questioning look that the Commander returned with a silent nod. No words needed to be spoken in that regard. They both understood their former squadmate's feelings, and both of them hoped that he would come around to reason eventually.

   It wasn’t long before they stepped off the shuttle and into the Normandy’s docking bay. It was a silent, strained elevator ride to the second deck where they were met in the debriefing room by Miranda and Jacob, who both studied Kaidan but said nothing of his presence there. Shepard was quick to take action. “Jacob, I want Kaidan to have full access to the Normandy and all files,” she ordered. The young man nodded, then snapped off a crisp salute.

   “Aye-aye ma'am.” With that he turned on heel and left.

   “Shepard, I can’t allow that. Alenko is still with the Alliance. I won't have him interfere with a Cerberus operation, especially one of this magnitude,” Miranda interjected, her brow furrowing as her gaze darted warily over to Alenko, bordering on disgust. How could Shepard bring him onto the ship? Was she out of her mind? ‘Having an Alliance soldier on board – even one of your former crew – could jeopardize the mission,” she added. They couldn’t afford anything to go wrong. There was no margin for error here. Kaidan drew himself up and stared at Miranda, his face grim.

   “You're damn right I’m still with the Alliance.” He turned his head and looked Shepard in the eyes before adding, “I know where my loyalties lie.” Shepard tried to pretend that his words didn’t sting, that they didn't leave a mark on her already scarred heart, but they were arrows into her soul. She swallowed hard, then leveled a cool look at Miranda, her green eyes narrowing dangerously.

   “This is my ship, Miranda. My orders are clear. Make sure Alenko has unrestricted access. I won’t repeat myself again.” Shepard’s voice was cold as ice and brooked no argument. The two women glared at each other, but eventually Miranda turned and walked out of the debriefing room.

   Mordin entered and bobbed his head slightly, an idea having come to him as the women had argued. “Shepard, recommend that Alenko should come with me, get checked over for possible seeker swarm activity,” Mordin suggested with his usual excitement. He couldn’t pass this kind of opportunity up.

   “Probably not a bad idea,” Shepard agreed, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “What were those things anyway? They put us all in some sort of stasis field,” Kaidan asked Mordin. Those things hadn’t been big, but there had been so many of them, the colonists had been overcome in minutes. The salarian nodded eagerly.

   “Yes. Seeker swarms used by Collectors to immobilize colonists for abduction. Impressive you were able to escape after stasis. Intriguing as well. Must study further!” Kaidan shot an inquiring look at Shepard who nodded encouragingly.

   “Don't worry, you're in quite capable hands,” she assured the Staff Commander with a brief smile.

   “Right...”

   With that, Shepard’s teammates left her to report to the Illusive Man, who was no doubt waiting for her mission statement and reports. She really didn’t feel like talking to him, especially now, but, sometimes you just had to grit your teeth and do whatever was needed, no matter how unpleasant. As she turned around, the screen flashed to life, showing a tall, dark haired man in a very expensive looking suit, leaning against a chair and idly smoking a cigarette. Shepard bit her tongue. She hated the man on principle. But, as she’d told Kaidan, he and Cerberus were the only ones willing to take on the Collectors.

   “Shepard. Good work on Horizon. Hopefully the Collectors will think twice before attacking another colony,” the Illusive man intoned, his eyes appraising the young soldier before him. The solider that he had poured near limitless resources into bringing back from the dead. His creation. His project. Shepard was proving to be a headache at times, but her skill, her resolve, her cunning made her sometimes intractable attitude worth the hassle.

   “It's not a victory,” The Commander stated flatly. “We interrupted the Collectors, but they still abducted half the colony.” If they had gotten there just a little sooner... the thought bothered her, ate away at her. Could they have saved more? The entire colony, even? It was true that saving even half the colonists was a huge accomplishment, in light of who and what they were up against, but it still felt like a hollow victory at best. They’d forced the Collectors to beat a hasty retreat, but they still wound up taking people. The Illusive man flicked his cigarette’s ashes into the ashtray dismissively.

   “That's better than an entire colony, and more than we’ve accomplished since the abductions began,” he pointed out. “The Collectors will be more careful now, but I think we could find another way to lure them in,” he informed the Commander, getting down to business.

   Shepard’s eyes narrowed and her attention zeroed in on the Illusive man’s words. Lure them in. Really…. “I wondered if you had something to do with that attack. Kaidan said that the Alliance got a tip about me and Cerberus.” I thought you had a hand in this, you amoral bastard, she thought bitterly, her lips set in a thin line as she drew herself straighter and placed her hands on her hips, giving the Illusive Man a searing look. She was not impressed. The Illusive man took a long drag of his cigarette and regarded Shepard with a look that bordered on boredom.

   “I released a few carefully disguised rumors that you might be alive and working for Cerberus.” Shepard felt her hackles rise at the revelation of this information, but held her temper in check- for now. She hated being kept in the dark. But what she hated most was being manipulated and used. Her nostrils flared and her gaze became hard; the only outward sign of Shepard’s disgust that the Illusive Man was able to discern. Oh well, she knew the risks. He wasn’t sorry for it. It had been necessary.

   “And I assume Kaidan Alenko’s presence wasn't just some half-assed coincidence.” It wasn’t a question, and the Illusive Man knew it. Shepard’s tone suggested that she knew exactly what he had done, but it didn’t matter if she did or not. “Maybe you even wanted him there,” Shepard added, her voice sharp, but not hostile. Anger boiled inside her, but she took steady breaths and forced herself to remain calm. Let the Illusive Man guess her mood. Bastard. The Illusive Man waved an disinterested hand at the Commander’s reaction.

   “I won’t lie, Shepard. Having one of your former crewmen there was a step in the right direction. I suspected the Collectors were looking for you, or people connected to you. Now I know for certain. It was a risk, but I couldn’t just wait for them to take another colony. You understand.” Taking a long drag on his cigarette, the man cocked his head nonchalantly. “We’re at war, Shepard. You of all people should know that, and any advantage we find, we use.”

   Kaidan left the tech lab, looking for Shepard when he caught snippets of conversation. Upon hearing his name, the Staff Commander backtracked, leaning against the briefing room’s closed doors. That his name had come up was shocking, intriguing even. Why was he in the conversation, and what had Shepard just said about Cerberus? And though he felt slightly dishonest at listening into the exchange, he couldn’t just walk away as the conversation continued on:

   Shepard pressed her lips into a fine line, glaring daggers at the Illusive Man’s transmission. It was probably a good thing he wasn't actually standing in front of her, or she’d be sorely pressed to keep from decking him. Instead she lifted her head defiantly, looking him in the eyes. “I see. What were you trying to prove? You really think that you can just go behind my back – manipulate me – put Kaidan and thousands of colonists in danger to prove some damned hunch of yours?” A spark was in her eyes now. A righteous fury. “You think that just because you brought me back you can do whatever you damn well please?” She exhaled sharply, arms crossed against her chest, all but daring the Illusive Man to refute her.

   Kaidan did a double take. Shepard’s fury was evident in her voice, even from the other side of the door. Clearly, she wasn’t impressed and was more than just a little at odds with this Illusive Man’s ideas, and the way he did things. The thought gave him some measure of comfort, maybe even hope, but also inflamed his ambivalence towards Shepard. What else did she share with this man? What else did he know? Just because she was balking at his plan now, didn’t mean she wasn’t in league with him.

   “I am not letting you put more innocent people in danger. We do this my way, do you understand me?” Shepard’s voice was stern and commanding, the tone she would take (and had) when addressing an insubordinate of lower rank.

   If the Illusive Man was surprised, or even angry at her reaction, then he hid it well. He regarded Shepard for one long moment. Clearly, she was just as she had been before the Normandy had been attacked. She’d interfered with his organization, back when she and her crew had been tracking down Saren. Her views hadn't changed. But that spark, that stubbornness, he could find a way to use that to his – and Cerberus’s advantage. He just needed to provide the right motivation.

   “We have to make sure they don’t abduct anyone else,” Shepard went on. Time to get back to the reason she was here. The Illusive Man nodded slightly.

   “I want the Collectors stopped for that very reason. That’s why we're doing this, Shepard. I’m devoting all resources to finding a way though the Omega-4 relay. We have to hit them where they live. Your team will need to be strong, as will their resolve. There’s no looking back. The same goes for you. Can I assume you’ve put your past relationships behind you?” he asked, leveling a cool look at the Commander, and awaiting her reaction. Obviously this Alenko was special to her, and he needed her clear headed. Shepard didn’t flinch but her voice was stony as she replied,

   “None of your damn business.” Her words were like ice as she put up a hand in emphasis. That topic was definitely off limits. Especially to him. The Illusive Man gave no outward indication of having heard Shepard’s reply, as he casually flicked his cigarette ash before answering.

   “If it affects the mission, better you should leave it behind. Shepard, once you find a way though the Omega-4 relay to the Collector homeworld, there’s no guarantee you’ll return. To have any hope of surviving, you and your team must be fully committed to this.”

   Tell me something I don’t know, Shepard thought darkly. She lifted her chin, looking firm and resolute. She wouldn’t let the Illusive Man get under her skin. “Let me worry about them, you just find us a way to the Collector homeworld,” she informed the Illusive Man curtly. And stay the hell out of my personal life. You've already messed that up enough. The Illusive Man was unfazed, of course. Shepard’s response was to be expected. She was idealistic. Determined.

   “I just want to be upfront about your odds. You’ll need everyone at their best. I’ve forwarded three more dossiers. Keep building your team while I find a way through the relay. And be careful, Shepard, the Collectors will be watching you,” he said, as he hit a button on his console, disconnecting the call.

   As if they weren't before, you scheming bastard,” Shepard muttered to herself. She walked out the door just as Kaidan beat a hasty exit himself to the CIC, trying to look preoccupied. There was a lot of things he had to think about now. He needed to be alone.

   Avoiding Shepard, Kaidan quickly took the elevator to the crew deck. He needed time to think. The Illusive Man was the head of Cerberus, and from the snippets of his conversation with Shepard, they didn't see eye to eye on how to go about dealing with the Collectors. What gall, to intrude upon Shepard’s personal life. Kaidan rubbed his forehead, and found himself staring out into space in the starboard observation deck. Shepard hadn’t been happy that the Illusive Man had drawn him into this, and Kaidan had heard it himself, there had been rumors planted about her return. And her involvement with Cerberus. Damn, what a mess he’d landed in. Judging from Shepard’s reaction, she’d genuinely had no knowledge of it, and her motives were not one in the same as this Illusive Man’s. A shard of guilt worked its way into Kaidan’s heart at his suspicions, but he pushed it down. That didn’t mean she wasn’t working for him, he told himself. Obviously, he lacked a great deal of information. Someone here had to know the full story. Someone had to know what was really going on. He’d seen Garrus among the squad on Horizon with Shepard. Perhaps talking to the turian was a good place to start. He needed answers.